What should I record to gather evidence of parental alienation?
Parental alienation is hard to prove. This means you will need to make careful and continuous records if you are to gather the evidence you will need of parental alienation. In order to understand what evidence you need you should search online to find out what you will need to prove.
If you don’t live in the UK you’ll have your own country’s websites to look at. Family lawyers offer lots of advice online so it’s worth taking a look at the websites of family lawyers in your area.
For those of you in England and Wales our website is crammed with information. We also point you towards other websites we rate highly. You’ll soon get a sense of what evidence you need to record.
See the links below for helpful guidance about parental alienation, making records and what kind of evidence you should record. We also have video guidance to help you understand how to get the best out of the ONRECORD app.
How to make good records –
Two of our blogs on parental alienation
You will also find these websites provide lots of helpful information.
Remember, your records will be read by someone who doesn’t know you. Make them clear
When you first start to make records, remember that lawyers and a judge will be reading them. They are, of course, strangers to you and they know nothing about you or your circumstances, other than what you tell them. So you must be clear about what you’re saying and describe your experiences in detail, clearly and in a way that’s easy to understand. Read your records through before uploading them, to make sure they tell a clear story and think “Would I understand this if I didn’t know the author?” If the answer is “no” put the information that’s needed to make sure they will understand.
What’s the best way to gather evidence of parental alienation?
When you are gathering evidence of parental alienation you should make a record every time something significant happens and also make records of events in the past to cover those things that you can recall. You may still have text messages, social media posts etc that you can use to support your evidence.
In parental alienation it’s important to record the ways in which each child was affected, as well as the impact on you. It might be sensible to create a separate label dealing with the impact on each child as well as one to describe the effect on you. This can be important as different children can respond in different ways to the same behaviour. Be as clear as you possibly can so if an expert becomes involved you’ve covered the kinds of things they’ll want to know about. The appointment of an expert is something the court might do and if it does you’ll want the court to permit the expert to see your records. It’s a laborious business to put together so much evidence in such detail, but that is one of the problems of parental alienation – it is hard to prove.
ONRECORD is by far the best way to keep these kinds of detailed records and will make it much easier to gather your evidence and prove your case. With ONRECORD, as well as keeping the actual records with supporting evidence, you keep a calendar and timeline to show easily and quickly when and what happened. You can also rate how much each event worried or upset you or the children so the most serious events can be identified quickly.
Your records, which get sorted by ONRECORD into date/time order can be shared securely with someone you choose and who you can then message in-app for support/advice. You can share with a professional and/or a family member or friend depending on who you trust.
You may start to see a pattern developing that will help you and your advisers/supporters understand your case. You’ll certainly be able to see the frequency of the problems you’re encountering and their seriousness and the ways in which each child is affected and its extent. Seeing something displayed on a calendar or a timeline starts to help you have greater clarity.
When you need to, either you or a professional linked to your account can download your records and use them to prepare a statement for court.
Why should I gather the evidence relating to parental alienation and not leave it to my lawyer?
When you’re having to make an application to the family court or you’re responding to an application made by the other parent, the first thing you always have to do is explain what’s happened. What caused the breakdown of any arrangements you’ve already made, what that’s led to the current situation and what you want to achieve in terms of the kind of arrangements you’d like in place for the children. Obviously the other parent will be setting out their views on those same issues. You should keep records because you need to have the evidence to make your case, you’re best placed to do the job and you know all the history and will have to live through all that happens. Talking to a lawyer at length is expensive so giving them something you’ve prepared, setting out the story, will save you time and money. They’ll ask questions to fill in the gaps but that won’t take nearly as much time or cost nearly as much as having to explain the whole story from the beginning.
If you leave all this and wait to see a lawyer it’s going to be a long and frustrating appointment. You won’t be able to remember all that’s happened especially if things have been going badly for a while. What memory you have of these kinds of different events may not be enough. You’ll find it difficult to remember everything, when it happened and in what order and you may have little or no supporting evidence, such as emails or texts, you can still produce. You’ll be at a serious disadvantage because you can’t tell the story well enough or sound like a reliable witness. Unless you’ve kept good records you’ll be ill prepared for the appointment and for what follows.
What do I do if I’m being falsely accused?
Parental alienation cases are quite often ones where false allegations are made. That makes them some of the most difficult cases for the family court. Who will the judge believe and will they see through the deceit? Only you and the other parent know for certain who is lying. Consequently making records in these cases is essential and doing them well is crucial.
You need to be diligent and keep making records meticulously. Because you can’t be sure what allegations may be made and because you don’t have any idea what the lies might be, you need to make a record of everything you or they do.
The best advice is to make detailed records of every exchange with the other parent and have a witness with you whenever you do actually have to meet. Better still don’t meet the other parent, just email and insist on a reply by email. Then you’ve got written evidence. Secondly give a detailed account of where you went and what you did on every occasion you see the children. Keep and upload pictures and receipts for what you were doing. And give an account of the way the children behaved and reacted. If there is a change in the way the children behave at the point of returning the children to the other parent, make sure you say so in the record. Having a witness and having made adequate enough notes to refute what’s being said could be a life saver. So be vigilant and don’t stop recording.
How ONRECORD can help you
ONRECORD can help you gather evidence of parental alienation and is specifically designed for such problems. Using the app’s GPS facility you can prove where as well as when the records were uploaded. It’s displayed in the metadata in the chronology. So if it’s alleged you weren’t where you should be to collect the children or return the children and you make the record at the time and in the place to show you were and then upload it, you can show the time and location. Ideally take a photo or a short video which shows where you are and make sure it’s uploaded as part of the actual record. The app links the supporting evidence (photos, videos, documents etc) with the record to show they are directly related so that there is no confusion about what evidence goes with what record. You can also prove that a photo, taken via the app, has not been tampered with or modified in any way (as photos can be tampered with when taken via your phone).